So… I haven’t written in ages!!!
Life got in the way. I found myself busy with so many different things and then the 6 weeks of school holidays came along and I was realistic about the reality there was no way I would get anything done!
So here we are… back to school…
Gosh! That means so many things for so many people. For me it means a much quieter house, lunches (oh how I hate lunches), alarms AND I-should-be-homeschooling GUILT! But jumping off on that last bit… I do also feel some relief (oh, no that brings more guilt haha) that I can start to get my life back on track again cos I feel like I hit the pause button on my own stuff for a whole 6 weeks!
School is hard for kids and it’s hard for us sometimes too. I’ve spoken about my earlier restimulations with my first child here and here. Now my youngest is in their second year of school and all of a sudden I realise I didn’t really think to prepare us properly for this.
The first year there is so much hype and so much support. You’re entering the system but it’s baby steps and there’s cushioning and then all of a sudden it’s over and everyone is meant to know the drill and act grown-up.
Only my kid doesn’t seem that much older and doesn’t seem to feel that much older and there’s a new teacher and new classmates and we’re not so good with change. Oh and just to top it off, years of sibling rivalry seem to be kicking in and shattering confidence and oh how this parenting/growing/living/adapting thing can break one’s heart.
And of course, the biggest roadblock in parenting is our own “stuff”! So here I am trying to foster confidence and resilience (the good kind not the school of hard knocks kind) meanwhile I am questioning every decision I’ve made for the last 6 years and feeling guilt (there’s that word again)… so. much. guilt!!!
Here’s the thing… I believe all our emotions are healthy and valid and need to be felt to be released but guilt and shame are symptoms of other unmet needs or emotions and those two monsters don’t serve us well.
So what do I need to do for both me and my kid?!
I NEED to have lots of Listening Time around this and hopefully have some big cries on a supportive shoulder or attentive ear.
I need to play with my kid and make sure we have lots of rough and tumble otherwise known as roughhousing so my kid can take the more powerful role and have a healthy outlet for any aggression.
I need to do Special Time to fill that cup and remind my kid that they are someone who deserves to be delighted in and appreciated.
I might also need to talk about what this reminds me of.
What was this time like for me?!
Ooops… even as I write I remember it was the season of The Worst Thing I Ever Did. I need to take this all to my Listener and talk about that time in my life, my fear my kids are suffering because I’ve chosen to send them to school, my fear that they’ll be unpopular like I was, that that would bother them like it did me, that their personalities will be forever shaped by the hard times, that this year will bring rifts and ruptures… all the fears need to come out and be heard and my loving Listener will hear them whilst holding the truth and having the confidence in me and my parenting that I may not have as I share those deepest, darkest worries, hurts and shame
and even as I say the words, they will have less meaning.
The pain of the past will start to lose it’s grip on my present.
I will walk away with that little bit more strength and confidence and I will be ready to tackle this new year with my eyes wide open and less weight on my shoulders for all of us!
I wish this wish for you too in whatever is weighing most for you right now. You deserve to be listened to. You deserve to feel lighter. You deserve to have your needs met.
For anything you need… Just Ask!
Aunty Ask xx