Build A Village

Ok! That’s it! I am going to be a mediocre parent! Because that’s the problem, right? If it didn’t matter so much to me I would be able to just sort of coast through this parenting lark… Right now that doesn’t sound like too bad a thing.

Have you seen that Jerry Seinfeld interview when he talks about “modern parenting”? He says it was easier before because they didn’t CARE so darn much! Now I know my parents loved me as much as I love my little beings. They actually did try to be more attentive than I suspect was the norm at the time but nowadays we are predominantly a child-centric society and (all jokes aside) I agree with this.

I look at myself and my peers and most of us weren’t allowed to experience our full gambit of emotions. No one told us that funny feeling we get in our stomachs or throats when triggered or stressed or worried is anxiety and it’s normal. We just need to have that explained to us and then look at what is causing it and develop specific and non-specific coping strategies before it becomes over-whelming. No one told us that.

Our planet is in peril, our future is in jeopardy and the way we raise these little people in our homes will determine the outcome of that. Not to mention, I love these little nuggets (as my brothers call them)! So I want them to be predominantly happy. I want their life to be primarily easy (with only the challenges that build character and ability to appreciate their Blessings)… but sometimes I wish I didn’t care quite so much.

People around me are on spiritual, philosophical and self-discovery journeys. The childless ones are in the process of healing their hurts and triggers and on the verge of swearing off children, more so when they talk to parents like me who are trying so hard to give their kids the best groundwork psychologically. What a bloody pressure! Some of it is literally a choice between life and death! Some (less dramatically) is a choice between a life of self-awareness and a life of corrective therapy. It’s a lot to carry on one’s shoulders.

So sometimes I wonder what it would be like to not give an eff. To be like “Oh, well… I turned out ok!”

I mean, I DID turn out ok. I was smacked and I turned out ok. I constantly fight the urge to respond with violence when really badly triggered. I sometimes literally hit the wall (out of my children’s sight and hearing) and I have once hit a man in the stomach for repeatedly insulting me. Does it matter if my kids grow up with mild rage issues and a tendency towards violent outbursts? Well, yeah… it kinda does. A little. Which is why I created this meme:
i-was-smacked

The problem is I DO want better for my kids. I would LOVE “easier for me” but that’s not the gig, is it? They didn’t ask to be born. They didn’t ask to come here as innocent, dependent beings and then have all these odd requests and societal constraints thrown at them whilst their frontal cortex is still immature and inhibiting their impulse control.

I chose this. I chose them and I have a responsibility to them and I know far too much to give this journey just enough to get by. I want more for them and I want more for me.

It’s gonna be hard. It already is hard. Particularly when I have all this healing to do on my own triggers (I’m still somewhat of an immature being myself) BUT I have to do this and I have to surround myself with people who help me to be my best self.

I have a village and I am building it more and more and that is so important. Build yourself a village however you can and give it your all. They deserve it and you do too!