On Losing and Failing

The main aim in this game for everyone seems to be to become a relatively “good parent” with the view of that then aiding our own kids in becoming happy, well-adjusted, loving and loveable humans. Right?!

It’s an awful lot of pressure… right?!

Sometimes it seems an unobtainable goal.

And sometimes it seems like the most important thing you will ever do.

And it IS.

Which IS an AWFUL LOT OF PRESSURE!

And sometimes it feels like you’re drowning…

Sometimes it feels like you’re collapsing under the weight and the pressure.

I’M collapsing under the weight and the pressure.

And the more I know… the harder it gets.

Every failure feels worse because I should KNOW better! I’m an expert, right?!

Well, don’t tell my loyal constituents but there is NO. SUCH. THING.

And sometimes knowing more means you beat yourself up more and that doesn’t help anyone.

But lately I have felt like I am messing up a lot. Like the tools in my toolkit might take longer then the mainstream method and then I immediately see why I moved away from that method. Sometimes I take what looks like the easy road and then maybe minutes, sometimes hours or days later I remember the reason why I should have taken the road that appeared uphill but was in fact the fastest and most scenic route.

And when I feel like I am failing I tend to not be my best self in any area. It’s kinda like it is for our kids when someone says, reinforces or gives the indication that they are “bad” they tend to believe it and then it becomes a self-perpetuating struggle.

But luckily I am an adult and if I can sit with the pain or old stories that are getting in the way of my clear thinking I can acknowledge what might be driving those feelings and start doing better. The most useful tool in my toolkit is Hand In Hand Parenting‘s Listening Time where I can really explore those feelings of failure and rage about where they might come from or cry about how awful they feel. I also like to read more about this kind of parenting because I feel supported reassured that I can always move forward.

The other, most overlooked thing I can do is take note of my reality. I may feel like I’ve been a crappy Mum but that spontaneous cuddle says otherwise. That incessant chatter about playground goings-on may have seemed very convoluted and hard to follow but actually it’s my child letting me into and trusting me with their world. Even that awful meltdown that took every last piece of my patience is actually a clear affirmation that my child feels connected enough to me to show me their hurt.

And then there’s this piece. Being able to write it all out, work it all through knowing that you will receive this for me and hold my tender parts with love.

I feel better already.

Let me do the same for you.

With love,
Aunty Ask xx