Posts Tagged‘Empathy’

Special Time Struggle

We live in a world where parenting is under-supported and many of us are juggling so many other commitments in our daily lives. When people ask me for parenting advice, one of the most important things I suggest is Special Time. I often see that look cross over their faces that says “HOW am I supposed to factor in extra time for one-on-one?!” followed by the question of “How often?” and then when I say “Well, daily would be ideal…” I can see that it sounds like the most ludicrous, unimaginable concept. BUT when I say this, I am actually…

Flipping The Sibling Script

Siblings… argh!!!!!! The most disruptive thing I ever did to my household was add another child. Don’t get me wrong, this child makes my heart sing and I wouldn’t trade our reality for the world but a whole heap of problems came along from that moment. And I was naively unprepared. I did all those fluffy things like letting my firstborn play pregnant too and have their own baby, get the baby to give the firstborn a special present, read lots of books, etc. But then the baby came along and in another naive move I got excited at the…

On Losing and Failing

The main aim in this game for everyone seems to be to become a relatively “good parent” with the view of that then aiding our own kids in becoming happy, well-adjusted, loving and loveable humans. Right?! It’s an awful lot of pressure… right?! Sometimes it seems an unobtainable goal. And sometimes it seems like the most important thing you will ever do. And it IS. Which IS an AWFUL LOT OF PRESSURE! And sometimes it feels like you’re drowning… Sometimes it feels like you’re collapsing under the weight and the pressure. I’M collapsing under the weight and the pressure. And…

My Child Won’t Talk To Me!

“Hey… how was your day?” “Good…” “What did you get up to?” “Stuff…” “Who did you play with?” “I dunno…” Sound familiar? Parents come from all walks of life and have many differing ideas when it comes to parenting and how it should be done but there are a few common themes. We all basically want the best for our children (as wide and varied as that may look) and we want to have open communication with them. We know that’s one of the best assurances to their well-being, knowing they can talk to us about anything BUT (as we…

7 Saves When It’s All Too Much

My mental health became far more manageable once I realised (through parenting) the value of understanding, welcoming, celebrating and accepting all emotions. I used to feel like there was something wrong with me when I didn’t feel “happy” or “grateful” or wasn’t “enjoying every precious moment” with my children. Now I realise that there are many factors which can impact my mood and the mood of those around me and I know that for the most part as long as I acknowledge what I’m feeling, sit with it if need be, seek support to release it if necessary, then “this…

From Rupture To Repair

In my humble opinion there is almost nothing more important to role model to our kids than how to make a good repair. For our children to witness us owning up to our mistakes and connecting and empathising with how this has impacted any other human beings, is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. This is not always an easy thing. I know my issues surrounding apologising are lifelong. “Sorry” was a bit of a dirty word growing up. No one ever wanted to admit they were wrong. No one ever wanted to be that vulnerable and…

But I Don’t Want To Do Special Time!

There are two tools I almost always recommend for behavioural challenges, those being Listening Time and Special Time. We know we can’t pour from an empty cup. Special Time is a brilliant tool in which you connect with your child turning off/removing all distractions, making loads of eye contact, suspending rules, being wholeheartedly led and just delighting in your child. This is a really easy way to fill a child’s cup and let them know that they are uniquely special and loved. Whilst Listening Time is a great way to fill a parent’s cup and/or emptying out any liquid that…

Can I Be Sh*t Today?

In this moment I feel low and lethargic and I don’t have the energy or the motivation to do anything. That’s ok… those feelings don’t stress me out like they used to. I know that the wave will pass and something better (or worse) will come in its place but I can get out, I won’t be stuck here. But then I have to parent. I have two little humans who will allow me to be crappy and crabby for brief periods but then they will demand more. I will demand more. So I want to take a little moment…

My Name Is Chantal… and I’m a Control Freak

Hi, my name is Chantal and I’m a control freak! Before I actually became a parent myself, I was God’s gift to parenting! MY kids were gonna be GREAT sleepers (I just wouldn’t give them any other choice, darling), they were going to eat only the healthiest foods (it’s all about making sure they never know there’s any other option), they were gonna be incredibly polite and well-behaved (you just have to set very clear boundaries). I mean, hello?! I was a brilliant nanny and that’s pretty much the same thing, right?! Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Anyway, we all know how that turned…

Listen To Your Heart

I love how well-equipped children arrive to us. We have this societal view that it’s up to us to teach children all these things, that we need to train them, to get them educated, etc but the reality is they come to us with all the important things in place. Most of what we teach and drill into them is, again, more about society than what is important. The reality is we have a heck lot to learn from children. Thankfully, psychology (and hopefully most psychologists) have begun understanding the value of emotions. This is where I think children are…